I stand on a precipice.
My human logic says to back the heck away from this ledge and return to safety. But something pulls me back, daring me to jump.
Daring me to trust.
Trusting is difficult for me. I’ve been burnt and jaded. I’ve been betrayed and let down. I’ve been left wondering what I had gotten myself into. Financial trust is my biggest struggle though. I hesitate when I don’t know where my money will come from. This Kenya trip was a HUGE step for me. I had to rely on God to provide $5,800 that I had no way of raising on my own. And He came through in abundance.
I now stand in a position where I must decide if I want to return as an RA next Fall. The upside is that my housing is completely paid for, and it’s an amazing place to build professional skills, etc… Logically, THIS is what I should be doing next semester.
The problem is, I’m getting pulled away. I feel that God wants me keeping my plans open. I don’t know why or what for, and frankly that both scares and excites me. I am anxious to see what lies on my horizon. In this past couple of months, God has been dropping blessings into my lap at a ridiculous rate. I have been given the opportunity to lead a small Mentoring group for a few local High School Freshmen. This is my passion incarnate. I’ve also had job offers for next semester. And I’ve even been asked to apply as a Peer Instructor for a class for incoming EIU freshmen. All of these things have specific focus for my career path, as well as lining up directly with my passions.
So I’m faced with a decision.
Do I stay where it’s safe, knowing I’ll be financially stable? Or do I take a chance (which isn’t really a chance if God is directing is it?) and follow my heart?
I guess when I word it like this, the answer is clear.
The moral of my story is that I ask for prayers. Pray that I can trust wholly and fully. Pray for peace in the fact that God will provide.
For His Glory.
“So do not worry, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.” –Matthew 6:31-34